Flesh & Blood 4 translation (from chapter 8, pages 161-174)

[wednesday_10_00]

"I'm sorry."

Kaito slowly turned his head and gazed at Geoffrey with hurt in his eyes. "For what?"

"For forcing you to come here..." No, that was too vague. Geoffrey sighed inwardly. He didn't have much experience apologizing, and it was coming out clumsy, awkward. "When I suggested it to the queen, I really wanted you to enjoy yourself. But in the end, I made you feel scared and uncomfortable."

Kaito's voice was flat. "I wonder where things went wrong?"

Geoffrey hesitated, not wanting to continue. But if he wasn't honest, Kaito probably wouldn't be satisfied. He opened his mouth reluctantly. "At the second floor of the inn. No, maybe it was when we were on the Gloria. I'm in love with you, but you're friendly with other men, and I don't like seeing that."

Kaito's voice sounded annoyed as he replied, "'Other men'? But...it was Nigel."

"Even so." Geoffrey pushed back the cloak draped like a hood over Kaito's head and gently touched that unbearably precious face. "I don't want to let you go where I can't see you. I want you to look only at me."

Kaito's face filled with anger, and he knocked Geoffrey's hand aside. "You already have Cyril! You seemed awfully happy when he hugged and kissed you!"

"I wasn't. That was just a greeting."

"Oh, well. You wouldn't mind if I kissed Nigel? As a greeting, of course."

"That's..."

At Geoffrey's hesitation, Kaito sighed. "You're selfish. Unfair. I can't look at anyone but you, but you can look at whoever you like."

Geoffrey's head snapped up. He'd seen a ray of hope. "You mean that you can't stand to see me with someone else, either?"

No answer. Kaito simply looked at Geoffrey, his eyes filled with warring emotions.

"Do you love me?" Geoffrey pulled the silent boy to him. "You do, don't you?"

Kaito started to turn his head away, but Geoffrey grabbed his chin and kissed him passionately. He'd expected resistance, but Kaito remained still in his arms. What was more, when Geoffrey made to force open Kaito's lips with his tongue, the boy obediently opened them on his own. Kaito was responding to him. Geoffrey felt ecstatic. But then,

"Will you promise me...?" As their lips parted, Kaito spoke in a quivering voice. "That someday...even if you tire of me, you won't abandon me...?"

Geoffrey was taken aback. He'd been mistaken. Kaito's responsiveness hadn't been a sign of his affection after all. Of course, being in the position that he was, if Geoffrey asked "Do you love me?" Kaito would have to answer "Yes" to protect himself. He also had no choice but to respond to the passion of a forced kiss. Kaito didn't know what sort of dangerous situation he would be put in if Geoffrey lost his temper.

Like being thrown into the middle of an angry, bigoted mob.

Now Geoffrey understood his mistake. It had been a grave error indeed.

I don't think he hates me. But he can't completely entrust himself to me, either. In his eyes, I'm a lustful, selfish and cold-hearted person.

Now he was paying the price for having put too much priority on his own feelings and not enough on Kaito's. He'd done the worst possible thing, at the worst time. It wouldn't be easy to correct this mistake.

"I'll never abandon you."

It would be so simple to say. Words could be manipulated easily. But even if one meant those words at the time they were spoken, feelings could change. Geoffrey had already broken his promise not to make any improper advances on Kaito, and Kaito seemed to have realized that. There was something that looked like resignation in those obsidian eyes.

"Can you keep that promise?" That was the silent question. Kaito's unintentional challenge. And then,

"I promise." Geoffrey decided to accept the challenge. From the sword belt into which he had just returned his rapier, he pulled out his silver dagger, and stiffly proclaimed, "As long as I live, No matter what might befall us, I will...only I will not abandon you."

Not believing in any religion, Geoffrey couldn't swear in the name of God. Instead, he chose the person whom he relied on over all others--himself. That way it was certain. Any man who could no longer believe in himself was finished. With this confidence, he sliced into his left arm with his dagger.

"Geoffrey...!" gasped Kaito.

"I won't regret any blood I've shed for you. I vow to devote every last drop to you." They weren't just meaningless words, he was speaking the truth. Because Kaito was more important to him than his own life.

Ah, now I understand. In that moment, Geoffrey realized he'd made another mistake. I thought Kaito belonged to me, but that was just conceit.

Neither of them could lose the other. To lose Kaito would be like having a piece of himself ripped out. And the most important part, at that. Before he'd realized it, Geoffrey's soul had been given to Kaito.

What a terrifying but sweet sensation...! The feelings rising in his chest made Geoffrey feel heady. Nobody--not even Nigel--had ever moved his heart this way.

Why Kaito? Geoffrey thought for a while, and then let out a wry chuckle. He didn't know. Perhaps it was because they were both considered "heretics." Or because Kaito wasn't like anyone else. Or maybe because seeing Kaito struggle to find a place where he could live comfortably reminded Geoffrey of his past self.

"You...you big idiot!" Kaito hurriedly grabbed Geoffrey's arm and examined the wound. When he saw that no vein had been hit, he gave a sigh of relief.

"First that mob, and now this. Trying to solve everything with bloodshed is awfully savage."

"I wanted to feel for myself even just a little of the pain in your heart."

"Then you should have asked me to hit you."

"I see. I didn't think of that."

"Anyway, let's go back to the inn. I can't treat your wound here."

Geoffrey peered closely at the boy worriedly examining his arm. "You'll come back to my room, won't you?"

Kaito nodded. "Yes."

Geoffrey pressed further, "To my bed? To be honest, if I sleep with you, I'm going to want to touch and kiss you. But I promise not to do anything you don't want."

Looking cautious, Kaito returned his gaze. "I won't change my mind easily. I wonder how long you can last like that?"

Geoffrey smiled. "Think back to La Roshelle. I'll show you how self-restrained I can be."

After a brief hesitation, Kaito said, "I believe you, Captain."

Geoffrey embraced Kaito's slender body. He was glad that, unlike himself, Kaito was a benevolent person. "Thank you."

Sounding anxious, Kaito said, "Never mind that, just don't get blood on your cloak. Or my clothes."

He was probably embarrassed. Regretfully, Geoffrey pulled away. "Don't worry, they're both fine."

Looking serious, Kaito said, "If you really want to protect me, I wish you would take better care of yourself. I don't want us both to end up dead if something happens."

There was a little spice in that gentle warning. Geoffrey nodded complacently. "For you, I'll make myself stronger, and I plan to practice my swordsmanship while we're in London. I heard there are a lot of famous instructors in Blood-bowl Alley."

"That's a bleak name for a street."

"I think it's rather exciting. And you need some kind of stimulus when you're living like a monk."

With that, the two of them turned back the way they came, and, feeling much calmer, headed back to the inn.




They were greeted by different facial expressions on everyone when they returned. Kit looked smug. Cyril was green with jealousy. And, on his best friend's face, there was a look of comprehension and pain.

I'm sorry, Nigel.

Nigel truly loved both Geoffrey and Kaito from the bottom of his heart. And so, that heart was going to be ripped in two. Seeing Nigel like that made Geoffrey's heart ache. Nigel was irreplaceable to him, and Geoffrey had always thought he would be willing to give up anything for his friend. But now there was an exception.

"The bleeding's stopped." Kaito sounded relieved. He had been cleaning the cut with water the inn workers had promised was just purchased. "But it might open again when your clothes rub against it. Do you want me to bandage it?"

"No. That would just get in the way." Geoffrey, who was sitting on the bed to have his wound treated, picked up his shirt and carefully put it on. But the wound hurt a little when he moved, and he winced.

"Are you okay?" asked Kaito.

"I'm fine. A little ale will make me forget the pain."

"No, that'll just increase the blood flow and make it hurt more."

Geoffrey looked up at Kaito, who was still standing. "Then give me a pain killer."

Kaito wrinkled his brow. "Where do they sell medicine? Would the inn workers have some?"

Geoffrey wrapped his good arm around Kaito's waist and pulled the boy toward him, until they both fell back on the bed. "Kiss me. That's better than any medicine."

Kaito lifted his head from Geoffrey's chest and, after a moment's hesitation, kissed Geoffrey's wound through his shirt.

"Not there. Well, not that I didn't like it..." Geoffrey gave a wry smile. He hadn't expected that. "What I want is a lover's kiss."

Kaito just looked uneasily at Geoffrey.

"You don't want to? If you're too embarrassed, I can close my eyes first." He immediately lowered his eyelids and then heard Kaito sigh.

"All right."

Fingers, cold from handling water, touched his cheek. He felt the warm skin of Kaito's face approaching. But, for some reason, the hot lips he'd been expecting fell on his forehead.

"Are your eyes closed, too? You missed your target."

Without answering, Kaito's lips slid from Geoffrey's forehead to the bridge of his nose. The touch was as a soft as being brushed by a feather.

So, now we've come to this? Geoffrey smiled, but stayed still, deciding to not interfere with what Kaito was doing. Eventually, he felt shaky breath against his mouth. The next moment, a kiss as gentle as the touch of a veil brushed his lips.

"Whoops...!" As Kaito started to pull away, Geoffrey caught the back of his head with both hands and gave a deep chuckle. "That was a little mild for a lover's kiss."

In a muffled voice, Kaito said, "I'm...not good at it like Cyril is..."

These were words that couldn't be ignored. Geoffrey's eyes snapped open and he looked up at Kaito's glum face. The boy seemed to still be jealous. It wasn't a bad feeling, if he thought that it meant Kaito cared about him. Still, he didn't want to cause unnecessary pain. Geoffrey slowly slid his hands down to cradle Kaito's cheeks.

"Even if you're not good, I only want your kisses. Besides, if you practice, you'll get better quickly. I'll be happy to practice with you anytime you like." He gently pulled the boy closer, until Kaito's lips were touching the side of his mouth, and whispered, "Of course, I'm the only one who can have your real kisses, too. I won't forgive anyone who steals that privilege, even once."

"I won't forgive it either...!" said Kaito hoarsely, as he threaded his fingers into Geoffrey's hair and kissed him wildly.

He really is quite talented.

Geoffrey smiled inwardly as he slid his tongue deep into Kaito's mouth. This passion. This eagerness. He really wouldn't need much practice at all before he would be a skilled technician. Even now, he was doing a fine job of making Geoffrey forget about his wound. Well, actually, it still hurt a little, but certainly not enough to stop this kiss. Never mind ale, not even an expensive French wine could ever give Geoffrey this heady feeling. It felt so good, he began to feel a tightening in his loins.

I'd like to ask those knights of the cross who pledged vows of celibacy. How exactly does a man control his natural desires? Especially when his adorable lover is lying on top of him.

Geoffrey smiled, wrapped his arms around Kaito, and rolled to the side. He lifted himself up and looked down at the boy lying beneath him. Well, Cyril was certainly a beautiful boy. He wouldn't deny that he'd felt desire for that flesh. But never had he been driven wild like he was now, seeing Kaito's flushed cheeks, passion-clouded eyes and moist lips. He bent down to devour those soft lips once more, thinking, There's something wrong with me.

A man who wouldn't have hesitated to bed a nun if he'd so desired, writhing with desire and waiting for favors he wasn't sure he would ever receive. If this wasn't a complete transformation, then what could it be called? He couldn't help feeling a bit pathetic, like a wolf that had been reduced to a pet dog. But then, maybe it wasn't so bad, to be a faithful guard dog, protecting his lover. Fulfilling the body's desires was easy. But what Geoffrey wanted now was something more precious: Kaito's delicate, tender, fragile heart. For that, he could be patient.

I think I'm trying pretty hard. Holding back my hips because I think my erection might scare him. Of course, if I did press myself against him, I'm not sure I'd be able to hold myself back...

It was true that waiting was difficult. But he would be able to because he believed the day would come when he would be rewarded. Geoffrey slid his lips along Kaito's cheek, and asked him the question he hadn't answered at Bankside.

"Do you love me?"

Kaito's eyes were closed, but he covered his face with his hands before whispering, "I love you. Even though I have no idea how it happened..."

Geoffrey smiled. "We're a fine pair. I don't know either."

***

Notes:

La Roshelle is the name of a town in France that Geoffrey and Kaito visited in the second book. They shared a hotel room there, and Kaito had a fit of depression over missing his friend Kazuya. But Geoffrey didn't take advantage of him like he could have.

"Kit" is Christopher Marlowe. It's in his play Tamburlaine that Kaito is forced to perform (in front of the queen) at the end of this book.

Original drafts (corrected) with Japanese text:
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4